chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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