but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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