is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
