ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
