You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
