K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
