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He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
