so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
