Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
