3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
