you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
