Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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