I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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