you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
