Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
