i think i have herpe
just one?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
