I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
