so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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