They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
