Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
