i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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