I feel like abortions should bother me more
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
