He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
