I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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