Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
