The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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