I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
