what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
