Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
