Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
