no, he came in my armpit
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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