Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
