is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
