Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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