I have demons in me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
