Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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