Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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