She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
