At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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