her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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