dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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