Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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