I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize