ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
