why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
