I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
