Whod you bang
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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