Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
