how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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