Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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