Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
