she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
