kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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