I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize