dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Found the puke drawer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
