i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
