You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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