bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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