my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
