I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
