i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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