I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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