i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
