i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
